Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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