I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
