Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
