Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
