i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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