Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
God I need to hump something, right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
