That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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