his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
