Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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