its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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