after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
