who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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