I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
