im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
