you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
