pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
