There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
