I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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