Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize