508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
