I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
