I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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