He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
