His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
