feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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