Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
