I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
