The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
