It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
