They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
