Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
