I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
