you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
