Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
