do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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