she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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