Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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