Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
dude. I can hear the air.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
