i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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