All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
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