No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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