I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
