Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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