Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
