He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
