OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
