My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
