after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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