I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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