First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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