Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize