please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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