Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
