i was born a porn star she said
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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