JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
