Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
