Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
