Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
