don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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