ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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