For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize