Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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