thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
