i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
