We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dicks are not precious.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
