The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
