my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
