I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
