wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
