We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
