it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dicks are not precious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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