Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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