I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
