i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
