Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
