Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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