The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize