I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
