Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
