The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize