Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
